❤️🩹 It Won't Change The Past But It'll Bring Peace To Your Future.....
A sister refuses to join a family gathering because her brother will be there.
Neighbors avoid each other over a property dispute.
A daughter turns away from her father because he has a new wife.
These are all stories I've heard from clients and each one makes me sad. I think of the lyrics of my favorite song:
"I've been tryin' to get down
To the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about
Forgiveness, forgiveness
Even if, even if
You don't love me anymore...
There are people in your life
Who've come and gone
They let you down
You know they hurt your pride
You better put it all behind you, baby
Cause life goes on
You keep carryin' that anger
It'll eat you up inside, baby..."---Don Henley, "Heart of the Matter"
Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die.
Forgiveness is good for mental health and well-being.
Study participants were given workbooks using the REACH method.
Recall the hurt: Acknowledge the hurt without minimizing your feelings. Choose to forgive without retaliation.
Empathize: Try to understand why the person who wronged you might have done it, so you can heal.
Altruistic gift: Give the gift of forgiveness.
Commit: Write down who you forgave and your decision to forgive.
Hold onto forgiveness: Remember the reason you chose to forgive.
Two weeks after using the workbook (download it free here), users reported less unforgiveness and decreased depression and anxiety, compared to a control group.
Forgiveness takes practice
Start small: Practicing forgiveness about little things creates a forgiveness habit.
Change your perspective: As my coach says, "Be curious before furious."
Meditate: Forgivness meditations help with deciding to live life as it is, not how we wish it could be.
Choose to be present rather than dwelling on the past.
Return to your why: Forgiveness is a decision. Reflecting on that decisionreminds you why you wanted to release feelings of resentment and negativity.
Acknowledge the process: Be patient with yourself. The Mayo Clinicwrites, “Even small hurts may need to be revisited and forgiven again and again.” That’s OK.
Express gratitude: Forgiveness requires gratitude. Writing in a gratitude journal or just thinking of a few things you’re grateful for each morning can be a powerful way to integrate appreciation into your routine.
Forgive the unforgivable?
Family squabbles are one thing but some situations seem unforgiveable.
A co-author of the REACH study told The Washington Post about how he forgave the man who killed his mother in her home. “...I’m not some super forgiver. A professor gave me a ‘B’ once, and it took me 10 years to forgive him! This just kind of happened. It was an experience where I could forgive the young man. My brother also forgave him, and my sister did too.”
Forgiveness doesn't necessarily make things right.
You might think that forgiving the other person lets them off the hook. Extending forgiveness lets you off the hook.
It frees up space in your heart and mind. It gives you peace.
